What Beginning?


Three Times

We ARE the self-worth that we unconsciously seek. Denying this is like Peter’s denial of Jesus. Peter can be viewed as a reflection of the ego and Jesus a reflection of the soul. The soul gives us life but the ego denies it. Why would a living person deny dependence on their soul for existence? Perhaps we fear the infinite and eternal nature of our own power and strength. We might secretly feel burdened by the responsibility. We might not feel good enough to handle it. We might be accustomed to judging our mistakes, failures, and weaknesses as bad. What is to stop us from also judging our existence as bad and then judging the judgement as bad? How easy is it to get to three?

The part of us that distinguishes between good and bad is the personality. It has eaten of the fruit of the tree of good and evil and believes it has the ability to judge the difference between right and wrong in all circumstances and situations. Protection, control and and separation are its objectives. Avoiding feelings of emptiness and worthlessness are its most important goals. There is a reliance, dependence and attachment on certain conditions to be met in order for it to feel “normal”. Uncontrollable factors keep the personality off-balance. It is a decoy trying to replicate the harmonic nature of the true identity of the soul.

Denial and resistance are among the tools the personality employs to sooth its feeling of not being good enough. It will deny the truth of the soul way more than three times. The soul threatens the ego’s defensive posture and is therefore an enemy. Here is the unforeseen action of denying Jesus. Christ is a very real part of us that is necessary for our overall health. He is a symbol for the soul. This is the way, the truth and the life. No one goes to the Father except through Him. Placing our faith in something else is unwise. One glance and we instantly know the soul is the manifestation of the kingdom, the power and the glory which are His forever.

The significance of the rooster crow goes much deeper than expected. Hardly no one realizes the severity of the real problem. Denying the soul is like a low-grade fever that almost seems normal. The temperature is turned up slowly. Without knowing that our self-worth is missing and without knowing that the personality is trying to compensate for this loss, we are dead even before the game begins. Awareness and acceptance are essential. As an allegory for the soul, Jesus Christ represents the origins of our pure everlasting love and value. He is indeed the light of the world which illuminates the higher meaning behind the gospels. It is undeniable.

I Lack Nothing

Living from our natural state gives us the feeling of “I lack nothing”. What gets in the way of this and are we willing to let it go? Here is where we find what needs to be done, or more accurately what needs to be undone. Disintegrating the barriers of the personality requires incentive, however. It must be worth it. How will we know if we never try? How will we try if we never know? The true message of Jesus Christ has been rejected, buried and forgotten. It is the soul that gives everlasting life and salvation. The personality is in direct opposition and this causes feelings of lack.

The personality is a bundle of defenses. It hangs on to anything to avoid the soul. It judges its feelings of lack and labels them as bad. It labels itself the same. On a subconscious level it disowns and then projects its fears. What is needed is the willingness to let go of the need to control its feelings of emptiness and worthlessness. It takes practice, patience and gentleness for the iron walls of guilt and shame to finally come tumbling down. Once the personality releases the desire to grab on to what it has been holding, we can begin to receive something much much better.

That something much better is the soul. Relief, satisfaction, fulfillment, wholeheartedness, contentment, abundance, integrity, liberation, perfection and gratification await. One must experience it to believe it. Everything we’ve always wanted and needed lies within. We do not have to define ourselves with not being good enough. That is only a limiting belief we picked up from the conditioning of our childhood which has been passed down through many generations. The associated feelings of fear remain like a scar that leaves a permanent mark in the subconscious. The ego’s job is to protect us but it has overstayed its welcome.

Identification with the ego leads one to assume that we are worthless. The soul is the resolution to this. WE ARE the resolution because WE ARE the soul. What do we get in exchange for denying this? What is honestly going to resolve the lack self-worth? It is our duty to stand up and claim the true identity without delay. Perhaps we don’t feel we deserve it because we don’t know any better. It’s time to change this no matter how long it takes. ALL the barriers to self-realization must be addressed one by one. When we finish we will stand firm in the conviction that “I lack nothing”.

Ye Of Little Faith

How far are we willing to take the verse in Matthew 6:33?: “…seek first his kingdom…and all these things will be given to you as well.” Who is willing to give over their livelihood, their instinct for survival and their very identity for the sake of finding true life? Is not His grace sufficient or do we depend on something else for our sustenance? The unwillingness to fully risk it all is like the doubt that Peter experienced in Matthew 14:29-31. If we don’t have faith in ourselves then we we don’t have faith in God either. We are one and the same. Disbelief is refusal to accept the fact that we are proof of God’s existence. It is possible to know this because of the soul.

There are many distractions that turn our attention away. Our survival depends on the presence of God in the soul, not on money. Which do we truly serve? Are we trusting His grace when we put in more hours creating an income than we do connecting to the soul? Perhaps the soul is too inconvenient and uncertain for us. Maybe losing control over the identity would make us feel like we are not good enough. What would be left of us if we were to lose that identity? We need to find out for ourselves. Judging the feelings of nothingness as bad and moving away from them distances us from the single most important ingredient of our lives.

Avoiding the fear of nothingness is apparent in the act of reaching for something to hold. A dependence forms as we crave something to make the feelings of not being good enough go away. Once we let go of the need for control we have the chance to recognize the wide open expansive nature of the soul. Living without the root of our self-worth and encouraging others to do the same cannot be justified. Why pretend? Recognizing and understanding the soul needs to be a top priority but the personality makes it seem as if there is something more important.

How easy is it to lose hope O ye of little faith? The power of the enemy seems untouchable because it buried the soul when we weren’t looking. Our holy grail goes missing and we hardly notice. It’s common to live with a slight depression and think that it’s business as usual. Without awareness we will lose confidence. Even the slightest degree makes a difference. Yet all it takes is a tiny nugget of faith for our consciousness to explode outward into limitless domains pouring forth light and love at rates far too serious for human comprehension. Once we are honestly and consistently willing to let go of EVERYTHING in a very literal way, we begin preparing for the universe to show us what God is really all about.

False Fear

Fear is largely a lack of self-worth in disguise. The ingrained habit of judgement creates an illusion of control. Judging its own feelings of emptiness and deficiency, the personality feels compelled to do something about them. Acceptance is not in its vocabulary and has not been developed. Guilt, shame, wrongness and badness must be fixed. Here is mankind’s downfall. For the most part we judge ourselves as not being good enough. A great deal of fear is generated around “missing the mark”. What is often not recognized is that the fear is caused by lack of self-worth.

Without connection to the soul, we feel no real self-worth. We feel deficient, bad and unworthy and then project these feelings towards ourselves and others. Everywhere we turn we feel the urge to judge. We assume God does the same because that is what we have been taught. It’s quite a pleasant surprise when first-hand experience contradicts this. Typically we avoid God and the soul because we fear losing the personality which we have come to depend on for self-worth. We don’t feel we will survive without it. The feeling that we will not survive without the personality is lack of self-worth in its nakedness.

Anticipating failure and pain because of its nakedness, the personality latches onto whatever it can. What needs to be understood is that the empty naked feeling is a natural part of the human soul. Instead of avoiding and judging it as bad we can learn to relax into it. There is no need for resistance as it is part of our infinite nature. Feelings of worthlessness do not make up our entire being because we are inseparable from God’s presence via the timeless material of the soul where no fear can abide. The temptation to judge, the desire to “hit the mark” and the urge to relieve feelings of worthlessness make their exit.

Sweet Christ Jesus who takes away all sin becomes very apparent in the soul. It fuels our passion to experience liberation in God’s Kingdom. Though it may seem dormant at times, the soul does not fail. We need to be consistently reminded so that our will does not get hijacked by the enemy. Thoughts of non-survival and non-existence indicate disconnection which translates into the fear of not being good enough. This is lack of self-worth appearing in disguise as fear. It is unhealthy to live our lives without knowledge of self-worth. For what reason should we deny the super-miracle of the impeccable soul?

Tall Order

The final frontier of spiritual awakening is releasing attachment to the personality. Examining the depths of attachment is something most people do not want to do while they are alive. It is such a tall and daunting order that many would would rather be dead. The personality’s grip on itself will often not flex, no matter how painful. This is not sustainable in the long run. The tendency is to either rationalize away the existence of the soul as an inconvenient truth or to postpone dealing with it until conditions are more favorable. Big mistake. The soul IS salvation and it is freely available to each and every one of us right here and now.

Viewing the personality from every possible angle eventually shows that it is not real. What is real is an eternal presence of unsurpassable peace. The personality is an alter ego that is trying really hard to convince us of something different. We do need to be very careful and gentle for it will not hesitate to get violent. The personality swears allegiance to its assigned identity even after its cover is blown. It hangs on with the most subtle of attachments. It will invent lies to hide behind in order to convince itself and others that it has avoided detection. Ego is an imitation of something much greater. That something much greater is the soul.

The personality is partially an accumulation of psychological defenses. It defends against deficient feelings of sinfulness and vulnerable emptiness which it assumes to be part of its nature. Personality is an overreaction to feelings of non-survival. The overreaction is both an inward and outward projection rooted purely in fear. It is only real to the personality, however. Behind the perception of fear is judgement. Here is the forbidden fruit of the Garden of Eden. The personality is sure that it knows the difference between what is good and evil. It feels it can justify its behavior and need for control at any price including its own soul.

Breaking the personality’s grip is a tall order. Loosening the connection is often judged as wrong, bad and dangerous. Fear of the unknown, peer pressure and pride are typical barriers. Not many will risk the investments that have been made towards security in identity. It seems like too much to lose. The truth is just the reverse. We really can’t afford NOT to do it. The gate to true life is a lot narrower than expected. Non-belief is just one out of many possible downfalls. Waiting for something to happen before we can experience God is another. The personality will go through a lot of trouble to convince itself and others that the soul must be avoided at all costs. Don’t believe the hype.